“In order to see our son differently, (we) had to be differently.” States Stephen Covey in is book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Fights, conflict, stubbornness and arguments are all part of family life…right? Well it doesn’t have to be.
We naturally try to create our children in our image, or try to help them not make the same mistakes we did! It could be anything from eating to much and being unhappy with ourselves to helping them strive for the perfect mark at school – because that’s what we did.
Stop. Take a breath and think for a moment. What if they rebel (like we probably did) and don’t turn out like us or how we want them to be? We must remember that they are not us, they are them… And they will make mistakes! We did, but it’s not our mistakes that define us. What defines us is our values, our feelings and our intentions.
Now I know you have the best intentions for your child. But like I say to my students, ‘you are your own person’. Or, they are their own person. In the end they will decide what they need to do to learn.
You are there to guide them, to offer advice… To sit there with them and help them with their homework, listen to their struggles and ensure that they are confident and happy within themselves so that they can block out ‘white noise’ and other negative feedback from life. We need to teach them to look at the positive.
Both positive parenting and positive psychology practices encourage the use of developing parenting skills and teach skills for disciplining children. We develop these skills by taking a back seat and giving positive attention to the things that the child or children are successful at.
We do this by letting them be them, by not criticising how much they eat, how to be better at sport or how they need to try harder in school.
We need to set boundaries and help them understand consequences, as well as focus on the positives. Some consequences will be natural.
Be a present positive parent.
Has anything worked for you at home to help with conflict? Our readers would love to hear it… comment below to share.